Nevertheless, somewhere down the line “special interest,” commonly shortened to SpIn (“spin”), became the term for the characteristically-autistic tendency to develop an obsession with something specific and often obscure. Autistic people don’t really love the term because the term “special” has become tied so closely with terms like “special needs,” which we resent. I don’t know who invented the phrase “special interest.” Probably some researcher. We hope we’ll receive connection in return, but if not, it’s less scary than pleading, “Connect with me, please!” Want to Improve Your Relationship? Start Paying More Attention to BidsĬause some have been asking: Infodumping: talking about an interest or passion of yours and thus sharing information, usually in detail and at length and Infodumps It’s scary to say, “Hey! I want to connect! Pay attention to me!” so instead, we ask a question or tell a story or offer our hand for connection. They’re requests to connect.īids are often purposely subtle because people are afraid to be vulnerable and put themselves out there. Gottman refers to bids as “the fundamental unit of emotional communication.” Bids can be small or big, verbal or nonverbal. The Most Important Relationship Skill – Emotional Bids We’ll expand on each “love locution” with selected quotes, images, and videos.Īn emotional bid is when we do something to signal that we want attention and connection.Įmotional bids are central to every kind of relationship – romantic, social and professional. Despite the popularity of the term, we have opted for “love locutions” to distance from the emotionally abusive and heteronormative history of the book “The Five Love Languages”. Note: This piece originally used the phrase “love languages”. This list is much about recognizing and meeting some common neurodivergent emotional bids in relationships, thus the phrase “love locutions”. The five neurodivergent love languages: infodumping, parallel play, support swapping, Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body, and "I found this cool rock/button/leaf/etc and thought you would like it"- Myth May 27, 2021Įmotional bids are the pixels of relationship communications and are important to relationship accommodations.
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